


It's My Body

by AgnesTomlinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: No Romance, Rape, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-06
Updated: 2013-10-06
Packaged: 2017-12-28 14:41:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgnesTomlinson/pseuds/AgnesTomlinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was his body and no one could change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's My Body

The first time Liam noticed was when the boys were joking around and Louis shirt rode up a bit, showing of his hip that was covered in thin red lines. Liam had frozen in place and when he snapped out of it Louis was laughing loudly at something funny on of the other lads had said. Liam asked Louis about it later when all the other boys where out of sight. Louis had only shrugged and smiled lightly before he said 'It's my body.' Liam was confused but told Louis that he was there for him and Louis only smiled and nodded. After asking if there was anything more Liam wanted he left the room. Leaving Liam confused and sad. 

***

The next time anyone noticed Liam had almost forgotten about. It was only he, Niall and Louis there and they were watching movie and Louis' shirt sleeve had ridden up showing of cuts on his wrist that Liam hadn't known about. Niall had gasped loudly and Louis had only smiled lightly and pulled down his sleeve again. Niall had started yelling demanding Louis to tell them why Louis would ever do something like that. Once again had Louis shrugged and answered 'It's my body.' Niall hadn't been happy with the answer and shook his head and Liam just bit his lip wondering what was going on in Louis' head. What that had pushed the oldest in the band into self-harm. Niall kept yelling at Louis but Louis didn't even flinch. Niall gave up after a while and asked instead why Louis would do that to his body and Louis only answered with a shrug.

***

The following months were full of worried gazes from Liam and Niall to Louis. But Louis never seemed to notice and kept on with all jokes and smiles as usual. Niall was scared and talked to Liam about it but Liam hadn't known what to do. He was scared to, of course he was, his best mate was hurting himself. Who knew how long this had been going on and what was the true meaning. And as much as Liam and Niall tried they couldn't come up with a logical reason behind the 'It's my body' statement. It was Louis' body, they knew that, but why would Louis destroy his body just 'cause he could? It didn't make sense to them.

***

Zayn had taked Louis' wrist in his hand when he saw it for the first time. He hadn't asked about it, he had just given Louis a sad look and covered the cuts with the shirt again. They didn't talk about it but even then Louis whispered silently, almost too silent for Zayn to hear 'It's my body'. Zayn had nodded and told Louis that he knew and that no matter what Louis did to his body it would always be Louis' body and no one could take it from Louis. Louis had nodded and smiled at Zayn before asking if Zayn wanted to watch a movie.

***

It was at home in their shared flat that Harry noticed. Louis had been standing in the kitchen and stretched as he yawned. The cuts that covered Louis' hips had been bright red and Harry had only hugged Louis close. Louis somehow understood what Harry had seen and hugged Harry tight and whispered into Harry's ear 'It's my body.' Harry had agreed and looked Louis dead in the eye 'It's your body and it's the only one you will get so take care of it.' Louis had shrugged like it didn't matter and continued making his tea. Harry had sighed and taken Louis' hand in his own and asked for how long Louis had been doing it. Louis shrugged again and answered that he had done it long enough. Their conversation had ended there but Harry had made sure to keep an extra eye on his best friend.

***

What none of them had noticed was the secrets Louis was holding close. Not daring to tell anyone. Afraid that if he did the band would break and it would be all his fault. He couldn't tell them about what was really going on and what they didn't know didn't hurt them. So for now all he would answer if they asked him about it was the same answer he had given them all 'It's my body.' It was Louis' own body and Louis could do what he wanted with it. No one could take it away. Even if someone already had. But still it was Louis' body until it wasn't a body anymore.

***

One night when Louis was nowhere to be seen the other band members had met up to talk about their hurt friend. They talked for hours about it. Where they had seen the cuts, how many it was if Louis had told them anything. They all gave the same answer about that the first thing Louis had said to them about it was 'It's my body.' After discussing different theories they came to the point where they were almost sure someone had used Louis' body without Louis permission. But who that could have been or when it had been they had no idea. They had seen Louis without clothes during x-factor to about two years ago. They now remembered all the times Louis had turned down them when they had asked if he had wanted to go to the beach with them and how when they changed before a concert or interview Louis always found a reason to do it in privet. They agreed that if someone had done something to Louis it had to be for about two years ago. They thought for a long time about who it could have been but came up blank. Who would ever even dare to touch their brother, it didn't make sense to them and they were scared to find out. Why they were scared to find out who it was wasn't clear for them but Harry thought that knowing who did it would make it so much real and he was not sure if he could handle that. The idea that anyone even thought of touching Louis without Louis wanting it made the lads feel sick. But the big question for them right now was if they should ask Louis about it and if they should who would do it. They couldn't agree but decided that if they didn't ask they would never know.

***

It was a week after the boys had talked about Louis they found enough courage to confront him about it. It was Liam who spook when Louis asked what was up. Liam asked straight out if Louis had been raped. Louis had frozen and blinked at them as his face lost its tan color and his eyes light disappeared. His mouth had opened lightly but he quickly changed it to a smile but his eyes were still dull. 'Why would you think that?' had Louis asked and bit his lip as he kept smiling. They lads had looked at each other and Harry cleared his throat saying that they were just wondering and Louis had laughed and shook his head telling the boys to stop worrying. He hadn't given them a real answer but the friends stopped asking and they turned their gazes back to the TV but their thoughts were far away.

***

No one could know and that was final for Louis. No one could know because if anyone did then the band would break. That was just how it was. No one could know.

***

Getting to know who it was who had raped Louis did not turn out how the lads imagined. They had imagined Louis telling them but no, they found out at the hospital after Paul had found Louis on his bed at the hotel. Louis had been bleeding and Paul just knew what had happened. When someone was bleeding from there it was quite obvious what happened, Paul hadn't hesitated with calling an ambulance. And now when they were all waiting for Louis to get finished with whatever the doctors where doing to him a nurse came out with a professional smile. She asked them if they by any chance knew who Mr. Oliver Bradshaw was. Liam had gasped and looked wide eyed at the other lads and Paul had bit his lip hard as his eyes darkened. Paul was the one to tell the nurse that Mr. Bradshaw was the bands manager and the nurse had nodded and told them that he was accused for the rape on Mr Louis Tomlinson. The lads had nodded and looked down on their laps while Paul thanked her before she left them again after saying that they had found DNA from Mr. Bradshaw and that was why they thought he had done it and that the police was now looking for him.

***

When Louis woke up he sighed when he saw the white walls and the white sheets. He was in a hospital as he knew he would end in one day. He just hadn't thought the day would be today or maybe it had been yesterday. Louis didn't know and he didn't care. All he knew was that he wanted out from here but he was sure that wouldn't be happening any time soon. A nurse entered his room and smiled sweetly at him when she saw that he was awake. She told him that there was some police officers the would like to speak to him and Louis had nodded already knowing that he had no other choice. The following hour and half was filled with him answering the questions the police asked. He told them everything, how the first time Oliver raped him was in March 2012 and that he would do it every now and then after that. He told them about the threats Oliver gave telling Louis that he would be dead if Louis told anyone. Louis knew there was no use lying to the officers so he just told them all of it. When they had gotten all information they needed they thanked Louis and left.

***

A month later and Louis was sitting in the courtroom re-telling the judges and everyone else in the room, one of them Oliver himself, what Oliver had done. All judged were sitting quiet listening to Louis with a blank expression and Louis knew that under their masks they were all thinking something. He wanted to know what they were thinking but he knew he wasn't allowed to ask. Right now he was only allowed to tell them everything that Mr. Bradshaw had done to him and Louis did the best he could with it. He could feel Oliver's glare on him and if anything that only gave him more strength to continue. He looked at his lawyer when he had finished talking and she smiled and nodded at him. Louis smiled back lightly and waited for the judged to make their judgment. 

***

Three years in jail and a restraining order was the judgment for Mr Oliver Bradshaw and Louis knew it was better than it could have been but he could not help but feel scared. Who would check up on if Oliver got too close to Louis when he was out from jail. But Louis tried to not worry about it, it was years til then. The band had gotten a new manager and the lads were only sad that Louis hadn't told them. The band didn't fall apart and no one blamed Louis, they were all furious at Oliver. They couldn't seem to get over the fact that a man they had trusted had touched their friend without his permission. They were mad and sad, 'cause Louis was hurt. But Louis was happier now, he was almost totally happy. Because it was his body and it would always be, but now he could choose who he would want to touch it. He could relax and wait for the day when he found someone who he trusted enough to share it with. He would never give up his body, he would share it. But only with someone who he wanted to share it with.  
He smiled and whispered happily  
'It's my body,'

**Author's Note:**

> I have not read through this but I hope it's okay. I've had this idea for a while and now all of sudden I had time and lust to write so I just wrote it.


End file.
